The day Wile E Coyote finally won
by StephenThePlaystationDude
Summary: It's all in the title. Now with two prequel stories and the aftermath of the first story! Upped the rating for naughty content!
1. Chapter 1

The day Wile E Coyote finally won

Roadrunner was running in the desert one day when he noticed that something was missing.

"Where is that idiotic coyote?" he thought to himself. "He's never late."

Roadrunner looked around. There was no sign of Wile anywhere, nor any planes flying around carrying Acme products. There were no traps set up that had gone horribly wrong such as smashed vehicles or exploded rockets.

Roadrunner ran to Wile's cave, usually he was out in the yard building a gadget that would go wrong for the four billionth time but there was nothing. Roadrunner then noticed there was a note on the door to his cave.

"Dear friends and family."

"I have moved to the mansion the next town over"

Roadrunner stopped reading. "Mansion? Where did he get a mansion?" The rest of the letter said where to find him along with his address. So using this information, Roadrunner ran off to the find him.

Wile was swimming in his new swimming pool in the back of his mansion. When he noticed Roadrunner at the side of the pool.

"Ohhhh….great." he snarled. "Looks like my past has come back to bite me in the butt."

Roadrunner held up a sign saying "You can talk?"

"Of course I can talk, you idiotic birdbrain. I've mostly talked in the cartoons where I try to catch Bugs Bunny and you can talk too. Haven't you read the 1950's comics?"

Roadrunner held up a sign. "Huh…oh yeah." He then chucked the sign away and spoke "Well….c'mon let's go. Try and catch me."

"No way." Wile replied.

"What, but recently you've got a new flavour of birdseed! It's wonderful!"

"I'm sick of failing all the time! It's time to admit I'm a failure as a hunter!"

"Wile, this isn't like you."

"Do you know what it's like being electrocuted, crushed, lit on fire, mauled, frozen?"

"I…."

Wile then climbed out of the pool and dried himself with some towels sitting on a chair nearby.

"No of course you don't. You always escape scot-free with no harm. Let me tell you…bird. I may never die but IT HURTS! IT REALLY, REALLY HURTS!"

"But Wile…"

"I'm also sick of people seeing me as a bad guy! I'm just following nature. Can I help it if it's in my nature to kill birds? Everybody says you suck Wile…..you're horrible Wile trying to kill that innocent bird! So not only do I constantly get hurt, I'm taunted by everybody! I'm a failure as a hunter and I'm a failure as a villain!"

Roadrunner was at a loss for words.

And even if I did agree to chase you. I can't I no longer have access to Acme products.

"W…W…Why?"

"Seems you haven't read the paper lately, bird. Read." Wile then tossed a newspaper to Roadrunner.

The newspaper had in big letters "COYOTE SUES ACME FOR $100 MILLION DOLLARS."

Roadrunner continued to read on how all of Acme's products had failed on Wile. That he had given photo evidence that all their products had seriously hurt him and that the company had no choice but to pay him. After paying up the money the company had filed for bankruptcy.

Roadrunner had his mouth open in shock. "I don't believe it."

"How do you think I got this mansion?" Wile grinned.

"I did wonder." Roadrunner replied.

"You're free from me now, bird. You're now out of danger, this coyote's now getting a life, I'm becoming more domesticated, I mean if Bugs Bunny can move out of his rabbit hole and get a house, I can do the same. Besides I'm getting more joy out of humiliating people who deserve it."

"What do you do?"

"Every month I get Daffy Duck to come to my house, force him to drop his pants and sing for money. I pay him $1000 every month."

"Daffy Duck doesn't wear any pants."

"I make him wear pants, then make him drop the pants. Still succeeds in making him look pathetic."

Roadrunner was nearly in tears. "But Wile…I…..need you."

Wile raised an eyebrow "What do you have no life, and just get some cruel joy out of seeing me suffer?"

Roadrunner didn't reply. Wile just facepalmed.

"God…..you're worse than Porky Pig. Oh all right, if I get you an alternative will you leave me alone?"

Roadrunner thought it over. "I suppose so."

"Stay here, I have some phone calls to make."

15 minutes later Wile reappeared with Bugs Bunny.

"What's Bugs doing with him?" Roadrunner thought "Hasn't Wile tried to eat him too?"

"Good news." Wile smiled. "I just paid Bugs Bunny $10,000 to hunt you down!"

"What's up, doc?" Bugs said to Roadrunner

"Why Bugs Bunny?" Roadrunner asked.

"Because he almost always wins. There's only ever been a few cases where he loses. And I figured what better way than to get a winner to hunt you?"

Roadrunner gulped.

Wile handed Bugs a rifle. "Remember what I said on the phone, bring me back his corpse."

Roadrunner ran for his life. But of course knowing Bugs' good luck. It wasn't long till Roadrunner was lying in a pool of his own blood….

THE END.


	2. Wile's new computer

I love to make sure my viewers are entertained so I present to you two prequel bonus stories!

Wile's new computer.

The following takes place before The day Wile E Coyote finally won.

Roadrunner ran into Wile's cave.

"Morning Wile, are we gonna do this or what?" Roadrunner shouted.

"Just a minute flea bait. I'm checking out my new computer."

Wile was surfing the internet having some fun.

"Whatcha looking at?" Roadrunner asked "Are you looking at hot coyote ladies?"

Wile turned around and frowned. "Do those even exist?"

"Yes, actually."

Wile just closed his eyes. "How did you…..never mind I don't wanna know, if you must know I'm looking at fan art of you and me."

Roadrunner got a little closer "Wow this art is awesome." He said.

"As well as pictures, there's also videos. What's this ''Wile and Roadrunner get it on?"

"Must be a video of us fighting." Roadrunner suggested

"Let's find out!" smiled Wile. "Warning you must be 18 or over to see this video." He said.

"Click it!" shouted Roadrunner. "It must be violent!"

It wasn't violent in any way. Hot erotic music started playing. Both Wile and Roadrunner's eyes widened and mouths dropped at seeing the video.

"Are you…..We're…." Wile said in shock.

"Are you sucking my…" Roadrunner said in shock.

"Hey there pretty boy." Wile said in the video "What to see what I can do?"

Wile and Roadrunner's mouths further dropped. After about 10 seconds, Both Wile and Roadrunner turned their heads and threw up on the floor.

"CLOSE! CLOSE!" Wile closed the window.

"Uhhhh….I can't believe our fans would make us do stuff like that!"

"Yeah," Roadrunner frowned "Not only are you a terrible hunter, but you fail at making love. No whipped cream?"

"Why you!" Wile started chasing Roadrunner.

THE END.


	3. How it all Began

How it all began.

One thing I've always loved about Looney Tunes is this. Nothing is canon. You can make up just about anything about the characters. For example there's cartoons that say Sylvester has a son called Sylvester Jr. Then there's cartoons that suggest that he has no children (Like "The Looney Tunes Show")

In "Baby Looney Tunes" Sylester and Tweety have been suggested to grow up together. But the "Looney Tunes Show" suggest that Tweety has lived during World War 2 long before Sylvester is born. There's cartoons where the characters actually die at the end. But they couldn't have died as they have their ancestors in the future in Loonatics unleashed plus they show up in future cartoons.

The Looney Tunes have also lived in various different times from medieval times, stone age times to the 1950's, early 90's and even present times.

Oh and did you know, Tweety has also been both a boy and a girl? I've seen cartoons where he's referred to as a he, yet I've read comics where he's referred to as a she.

Why am I saying all this to you? Well…here's my own version of how the Roadrunner and Coyote became enemies…

Once again this is a prequel to "The day Wile E Coyote finally won."

Bugs Bunny saw Wile E Coyote in the bar. He looked all depressed.

Bugs Bunny was always willing to give a helping hand to everyone, even his enemies. He went over to cheer Wile up.

"What's up, doc?" he asked. "You look like you're down in the dumps."

"I've just come from the dumps, as I've had to eat there. How did you know?" asked Wile.

"Sorry….figure of speech. What's up?"

"I can't catch that stupid roadrunner."

"Well, doc. Here's a suggestion, you've got enough money to buy all that Acme garbage, so why don't you just buy your dinner?"

"Hah…..if only you knew eh?"

"Knew what?"

"I don't hunt him for food, I want to kill him for revenge!"

"Revenge?"

"Years ago both me and Roadrunner were friends and we used to work in a business."

"HOLD THE PHONE!" Bugs Bunny interrupted and held up his hands . "You were friends with Roadrunner!?"

"It can happen." Wile smiled. "Daffy's tried to kill you a number of times, but you seem to have made up and got along. He lives with you doesn't he?"

"Yeah…..I suppose. But I don't get it, even as kids didn't I see you chase him?"

"Oh…we were just playing Tag. I never intended to eat him."

"Well go on." Said Bugs "Continue your story."

"Anyway we both worked in a rival company against Acme called Sorfcorps."

5 years ago.

Wile E Coyote came into his office dressed in a shirt, tie and black trousers. He was looking over a computer.

"This isn't good." Frowned Wile.

Roadrunner came into his office. He was dressed in a shirt and tie, but strangely he wasn't wearing any pants.

"What's up?" asked Roadrunner.

"ACME is beginning to kill our sales. We need to come up with a plan to increase our income to this place."

"Well there is a new type of water gun you've been working on." Roadrunner suggested "One that shoots water in 5 directions! If you release it in time for summer, the sales might go through the roof."

"Nah….nobody's that big into water guns."

"It's worth a try!"

"Okay, we release the water gun, but what do we do I still can't get it to work."

"Give it here." Said Roadrunner. "Maybe I can get it to work."

Wile handed Roadrunner the prototype. "Hmmm…." Said Roadrunner. "You've got it mostly right. Let me take a look."

Roadrunner went to his office. 5 minutes later he was back. Wile was busy at his computer when he felt a squirt of water at his back. He jumped in fright.

"Yeep!" he went. He turned round to see a smiling roadrunner with the water gun.

"I think I got it!" Roadrunner cheered.

"Let's show it to the boss!" Coyote smiled back.

"Boys I'm impressed" said their boss. "This'll get the sales ranking in. Plus Summer's just around the corner."

"Told ya." Grinned Roadrunner. "I'll be honest, Wile's responsible for most of the design. I just fixed the bugs.

"Wile I'm impressed, if this sells well, you'll get a big promotion."

A month later Wile came into his office with a big grin on his face.

Roadrunner saw him. "Why are you so happy?"

"My idea did well! I got a promotion! And you won't believe how much I'm gonna get paid working here! Half a million dollars a year!"

"Wow!" cried Roadrunner. "Well you deserve it, you given this company a lot of good inventions. What are you gonna do with all that money?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I could use it for my wife and upcoming child." Wile replied.

"Oh yeah….Dolores you mean right? How's she doing?"

"She's nearly nine months pregnant but she's all right." Smiled Wile.

Suddenly Wile's mobile phone made a "BEEP" noise, and not a beep any way similar to Roadrunner.

"Oh hey….I got a text." Wile announced. He then pulled his phone from his pocket.

Wile read the text. He went into shock. "OH…..MY…..GOD."

"What's up?" asked Roadrunner.

"My wife! She's giving birth! I gotta get to the hospital!" Wile cried.

"I'll come with!" shouted Roadrunner. "Lunch break's come up and I had a big breakfast."

Wile and Roadrunner ran to the hospital. A nurse showed them where Dolores was giving birth

"Dolores is in here."

Wile and Roadrunner entered. And what happened that day would change Wile and Roadrunner's relationship forever. The child was a blue half coyote ,half roadrunner.

Wile went into shock. "Dolores….you DIDN'T! !"

Roadrunner gulped. "Uh oh…busted."

"I'm sorry Wile." Dolores sobbed. Wile then turned to Roadrunner.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU ! ! !" he snarled.

Roadrunner ran out the hospital. From that day, he quit his job, and went back to living in the wild in order to flee a furious Wile E Coyote. Not long after the birth, Dolores went to live on her own taking care of their new half coyote half roadrunner daughter.

Wile however kept his job and dedicated his weekends to getting his revenge on Roadrunner. He would use his income to purchase traps that would backfire on him from both Sorfcorps and Acme. Much more often, Acme. As much as he hated buying from his rival company. He did like the fact they had way much better traps and inventions.

"And that's how it happened." Wile finished his story.

"WHOA!" went Bugs Bunny. "Is that all true?"

"Yep."

"I knew Roadrunner was a douche…..but geez!"

"The worst part is…..Dolores still sees him. They've grown up ever since, that bird stole my family…my life."


	4. Six months later

Chapter 4

Six months later…following the death of Roadrunner.

Wile woke up to the sound of the mansion doorbell, one morning.

Wile got up and went to answer the door. He answered the door and couldn't believe his eyes.

It was Dolores and his half roadrunner, half coyote daughter.

"Dolores?" spoke Wile.

"Can we talk? I think we should get back together."

"Oh….I see cause Roadrunner is dead. You'll think I'll just take you back." Growled Wile.

"Wile…I'm sorry. I should have realized that bird was a no-good double crosser. We got drunk that one day at a party, where you said you couldn't attend because you had to work. Roadrunner was more playful then you are, but he's nowhere near a genius like you.

"Oh really?" Wile snarled.

"Take me back" asked Dolores. "Anita always missed you." Pointing to their daughter.

"Well….Okay."

"Really, you're taking me back just like that."

"I haven't had sex for over 5 years." Wile replied. "And you were always the best at that!"

"Indeed." Dolores licked her lips.

STAY TUNED FOR THE FINAL PART!


	5. The final Part

**Chapter 5**

This takes place in Bugs Bunny's house in the Looney Tunes Show universe. Daffy is in the kitchen drinking coffee when Bugs walks in.

"Oh hey, Daffy." He said "We're going over to Wile Coyote's house for dinner tonight."

"What, Wile Coyote!? Are you nuts!?"

"Daffy, relax. He's become more civilized like we are now. Plus seeing as we're citizens now, he can't kill us."

"I still don't know." Said a nervous Daffy.

"Oh c'mon, you can remember how we were in the wild."

"Ahhh….Duck Season, Rabbit Season, those were the days." Daffy smiled. "Why are we going over anyway?"

"He wants to celebrate his new lifestyle, he's got back together with Dolores and now lives in a mansion. He's gonna give us gifts."

"Gifts, now you're talking!"

"And besides Wile's kept you on your feet. Dropping your pants for him and singing seems to be one of the few jobs you can do right."

"Ohhhh….O.K."

"Be nice, O.K?"

"Fine."

That night Bugs and Daffy stood outside Wile's' house. Bugs rang Wile's doorbell.

"Come on in. " Wile smiled. "Here's a nice new expensive good looking clock I think would look good on your fireplace."

"Wow! Thanks, Wile." Bugs said happily.

"A clock? Is that it?" snapped Daffy rudely.

"Daffy….." growled Bugs.

"Hi Wile, what cheap tacky gift do you have for me?"

"How about a $100 dollar bill." Replied Wile.

"Wile….." smiled Daffy. "Have I told you I love you?"

"I'll get dinner on." Wile smiled. Make yourself at home.

Bugs and Daffy went into Wile's living room and sat down. Anita was playing with a yo-yo.

Daffy raised an eyebrow at seeing Wile's blue feathery half coyote half roadrunner daughter.

"What are you supposed to be?" Daffy raised an eyebrow.

"I'm special." Anita replied. "Daddy always told me so when I was younger."

"Your daddy's a moron."

Bugs was about ready to struggle Daffy. "Daffy….." he growled.

"I'm just being honest, your daddy's not only a moron he's also got some kind of mutant sperm. You don't look like any kind of animal I've ever seen!"

Bugs grinded his teeth in anger. Anita was close to tears.

"I bet all the boys and girls make fun of you in school." Daffy said.

"Yes they do…..How did you know?" said an upset Anita.

"With what you look like, how could they not?"

"Daddy…says I should stick up for myself. But I think violence is wrong."

"Baby…let me tell you something, he's actually right. If you don't stick up for yourself now, with your appearance people will walk over you forever."

"Alright…." Growled Anita. "I will." And at this Anita then pounced on Daffy and ate him.

Wile had walked in just as Anita had eaten Daffy. "Anita! Spit him out this instant. What will our nice guest Bugs here think!?"

"Way to go there, Anita." Bugs then gave a thumbs up to her. "Keep him in your stomach."

"Well as long as you're happy." Wile smiled to Bugs. "Dinner's on!"

THE END FOR GOOD! THANK YOU FOR READING!


	6. A little kinda lame extra

**A little, kinda lame extra.**

After uploading his fanfic the author Stephen Paget went to talk to bugs and Daffy.

"So what do you think of the fanfic?" he asked.

"Awesome." Bugs smiled.

"Lame." Daffy snarled.

"I can see why you'd say that. Being eaten by Wile's daughter." Stephen smiled.

"No you set it in the Looney Tunes show universe. What was wrong with the old cartoons?"

"I love the Looney Tunes show, it's one of the few things I watch nowadays along with The regular show and Gumball. Heh….Gumball….he's so funny. It's strange I was introduced to him by a hate fic made about me that portrays me as someone completely out of character. I'm no monster, dude. I'm just a nerd."

"The Looney Tunes show is lame! The old shows were better." Daffy snarled. "I'm ashamed to be in that pile of crap. Today shows suck!"

"I am so sick of everybody saying the past has better shows!" Stephen snarled. "You know what it's not a recent thing! People are always going on how great the 1980's are, yet I once watched a 1980's Married with Children episode where Al Bundy said T.V shows today sucked and shows were better in his childhood. I couldn't believe it! I'm watching a 1980's show where the main character says 1980's shows suck!"

"You're gonna take advice from an alcoholic shoe salesman?" Daffy replied.

"Regardless of who he is, he still made me think. What is with adults no matter the year, always going on that old shit is better than new shit!? Deal with it! Stop living in the past! The past is fine but don't constantly live in it!" Stephen snarled.

"Whoa….Calm down." Daffy said.

"I'm just saying…"

Bugs offered an answer. "Targeted marketing, probably. Entertainment was, is, and always will be tailored to a very specific demographic based on current trends. The stuff I liked as a kid isn't any fun to modern kids because it literally was not made for them. Likewise, the stuff my parents liked, I didn't, because it was made for them, not me. When modern cartoons don't appeal to you anymore, that generally means you're growing up and the people who make kids' entertainment aren't making it for you."

Stephen turned to Bugs. "Well said, dude. Well said."

THE END.


End file.
